If I may be painfully cliche here - this will be my swan song of sorts. I figure doing one lost huge post full of songs that got me through this hellish year would be a decent one to put an end to my "blogging" ways. I created this site on July 1st of 2011 in hopes of venting and nearly 500 posts later and over 13,000 views - I think I'm done. My life had become a bit of a mess at the time of this site's inception and I constantly felt like I was fighting to not blow up on people around me. I, admittedly, created this site as a way for me to "subtly" cry for help to those around. I really wasn't okay. I got a little better, I suppose and began using it a lot to write sports articles. I did it for fun and as a way for me to hone and create some journalistic skills as I one day hope to make a career out of it. Now, I have TJRSports.com for such a thing - which is why I haven't posted a sports article on here in quite a long time. The random emotional rants began to slowly dwindle away as I took more and more to keeping to myself. This is will (probably) be the last thing I ever write on this site and it's because I don't feel like I have to anymore.
Don't get me wrong, life is still hard. Really hard. The only difference is my level of acceptance of it all. I try not to let it get me down so much anymore, but take it in stride. Every day I could give you a few people I wish I could see or talk to, but I know I won't. That sucks. All I can do is continue doing my thing and if they have some time or life becomes a little too hectic, then sure, I'll probably be there for them. It's so painfully cliche but I really want 2013 to be my year. It doesn't even matter that it's a new year to me, it's just convenient that 2013 begins right around everything new in my life starts as well. Seems like now is as good a time as any to get the ball rolling on everything else. I have no idea where I'll be a year from now, but I'm hoping I'll end up being really proud of myself. I'm ready to kick some ass and maintain/create some strong relationships along the way. Just let me know if you want to come along with me for the ride.
Wishing Well - Blink-182
I reached for a shooting star. It burned a hole through my hand.
Even If She Falls - Blink-182
Always sharp and cold, always beautiful. I am such a fool.
Time to Break Up - Blink-182
If you wanna call it a heartache, then I shouldn't regret those things, I miss her. If you want the pain to go away, better suck up your pride and admit you lost her. Let her go, move on.
Boxing Day - Blink-182
I'm empty like the day after Christmas.
Pretty Little Girl - Blink-182
I'm raising my voice, you raise it up more. We forget that our lives have been apart - it is hard. We thought we are close, but it still feels far and we learn to get by if we learn to have scars. We learn to forgive and accept who we are. You said if you break my heart, then I'll change your mind. And I'll do it again. If you play the part then I will play mine and I'll do it again. If we miss the mark, if we hold on tight. We'll be there to do it again.
Go - Blink-182
Why do evil men get away with it? Can't you see that I'm in a world of shit. Turn your back on hope and go back inside. Stop my bleeding heart and let the engine die. I don't wanna know.
Forget About It - All Time Low
You know, there are some days where I really feel like this could work. Like, you and I are finally gonna get it right. Then there are days like today when you make me wanna tear my fucking hair out. 'Cause I feel like a bad joke.
Therapy - All Time Low
I'm a walking travesty, but I'm smiling at everything.
The Irony of Choking on a Lifesaver - All Time Low
You're the snake hidden in my daffodils when I'm picking flowers. That's just my luck these days. Why can't you just be happy for me? You're the break lines failing as my car swerves off the freeway. It kind of feels like sabotage.
A Daydream Away - All Time Low
You're just a daydream away. I wouldn't know what to say if I had you. And I'll keep you a daydream away, just watch from a safe place so I never have to lose.
The Reckless and the Brave - All Time Low
Long live the reckless and the brave. I don't think I want to be saved. My song has not been sung, so long live us.
Better Off This Way - A Day to Remember
When you fall, I'll be the only one who looks away. When you call, I'll be the first to tell you I can't stay.
Out of Time - A Day to Remember
I thought this was what you wanted. Someone who gets everything right. I thought this was what you wanted. Someone to put you first in their life.
You Had Me at Hello - A Day to Remember
I know that I had sworn, I'd never trust anyone again, but I didn't have to. You had me at hello.
Peace Out - Say Anything
I'll be fine. Sever this for all-time. I'll laugh it off when this ends. You can just go get high with all of your dumb friends, get high with all of your dumb friends. You were my clutch, now I've escaped your clutch. So, how is that worm's eye view? I have grown two broad wings and now I'm above you.
Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too - Say Anything
I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
Get Up - Mayday Parade
I spill my heart from coast-to-coast. Fall in love with everyone I know. Sometimes it isn't where you're going, it's who you're with. In this moment, we're connected. If we fall, we fall together.
You Suck at Love - Simple Plan
Guess what? Another game over. I got burned, but you're the real loser. I don't know why I've wasted my time with you. You're bad news, a history repeater. You can't trust a serial cheater.
Can't Keep My Hands Off You - Simple Plan
Sorry to all my friends and to anyone I offend. But, I can't help it, no, I can't help it.
Freaks and Geeks - Childish Gambino
Chilling with my "n" words, say it like a white kid. Yes, your booty's big as her's, say that to my white bitch so she don't get embarrassed My dick is made of carrots, bunnies wanting to be fed and I meant honey's, oh, forget it. I have worked all winter, I will not fail summer. In the back of the bush like Gavin Rossdale's drummer.
Not Going Back - Childish Gambino
Ran into Rashida Jones, told me that she heard my song. When I called her mixed like the crowd at my last show. She said to write her something nice on the next track, but she cute, so I wrote her ass a whole rap. Man, I threw that shit away, it felt dumb. Believe me, it was bad, we're better off, you're welcome. I worked hard on that song, like day and night. That whole song, made this one verse crazy, right? I guess it all goes somewhere, you know that? Like that bullshit you talked before Culdesac. I didn't know he had it in him. Couldn't see me as Spider-Man, but now I'm spitting venom. Now you're paying attention, pick your fucking face up. When I wanna be a superhero, I just wake up. Renaissance man with a Hollywood buzz. I refuse to go back to not liking who I was.
Last Chance to Lose Your Keys - Brand New
This whole situation is incredibly typical, I should have seen it all along. It's girls like you that make me think I'm better off home on a Saturday night with all my doors locked up tight.
Soco Amaretto Lime - Brand New
You're tearing up your photos because you wanna forget it's over.
Seventy Times 7 - Brand New
Back in school, they never taught us what we needed to know like how to deal with despair or someone breaking your heart. For twelve years I've held it all together but a night like this is begging to pull me apart. I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation. I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen. I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would and now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could. Everyone's caught on to everything you do. Everyone's caught on to. As if this happening wasn't enough, I got to go and write a song just to remind myself how bad it sucked. Ignore the sun, the cover's over my head. I wrote a message on my pillow that says "Jesse, stay asleep in bed." So, don't apologize, I hope you choke and die. Search your cell for something with which to hang yourself. They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven but they don't tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell.
Failure by Design - Brand New
This is a lesson in procrastination. I kill myself because I'm so frustrated.
Dry Your Eyes - Angels & Airwaves
I'm not for this and all you ever do is stall. I am so damn sick of trying. And now we are fucked 'cause we've wrecked it all.
Fairweather Fan - Four Year Strong
Just give me one, one good reason to forgive you of your treason. You turned your back, you ran away at the first sign of light of a brand new day.
Counting the Days - Good Charlotte
We gotone time, time to get this right. Two times and you know it's not my style. Three's company, just you and me, we need to figure this one out. Four letter words are all you said. Five minutes later, we're in bed. Can't count on you to love me, but I can count the days since you've been gone.
Bullet - Hollywood Undead
Asphalt to me has never looked so soft. I bet my momma found my letter, now she's calling the cops.
Everywhere I Go - Hollywood Undead
Buy beer or pay the rent. My signing bonus was quickly spent. So, I'll beat my meat like I'm a fuckin' butcher and I'll punk the pussy like I'm Ashton Kutcher.
Rant - Bo Burnham
In the back, I sit and I nod to the beats that are bumpin from my iPod. My God, they're starting to pray and over the music I can hear them say "Dear God. Dear Lord. Dear vague muscular man with a beard or a sword. Dear good all-seeing being, my way or the highway Yahweh. The blue-balled anti-masturbator, the great, all-loving faggot hater, I'd like to thank your holy might for making me both rich and white and though this is your day of rest, I come to you with one request. There's so much pain beyond this steeple. Wars and drugs and homeless people. Sadness, where there should be joy - hate and rape and Soulja Boy. A world in darkness needs your light, so I'm sure your schedule's pretty tight, but my dog just had leg surgery, if you could fix that first. Jesus?
Oh Bo - Bo Burnham
I spot a little Latino, booty so big call it Oprah's ego. We go to it, through it, she says "Dios mia mi amigo!" Pull it out, stick it in your mouth and I bust in the back of ya'. Swallow, bitch, there's people starving in Africa.
Carolina Heat - You, Me, And Everyone We Know
Your skin was appealing wallpaper. Now, your skin is just peeling wallpaper.
The Chase is On - Hoodie Allen
Nowadays, got it all figured out. I don't really gotta take so long. But, I'm missing all the times in the past.
#WhiteGirlProblems - Hoodie Allen
Taylor Swift got white girl problems. Mandy Moore got white girl problems. Kobe Bryant got white girl problems. Kanye West got white girl problems. Michael Phelps got white girl problems. The cast of Friends got white girl problems. All of y'all got white girl problems.
No Faith in Brooklyn - Hoodie Allen
We should take a walk someday, dream about what we could've been.
Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World
There's no one in town I know. You gave us some place to go. I never said thank you for that. I thought I might get one more chance.
Letters to God - Box Car Racer
I won't lie, I won't sin. Maybe, I don't wanna go. Can't you wait?
My Friend Peter - Alkaline Trio
I don't care who you've been kissing on these days. It's out of my hands and in my mouth with such a pleasant taste. I need a beer to wash it all away without a trace and then I'll drink 23 more to wipe this stupid smile off my fucking face.
The Kids - B.o.B.
The kids don't, the kids don't stand, the kids don't stand a chance.
The Future Freaks Me Out - Motion City Soundtrack
I need you, I miss you, I’m so alone without you to call up on the weekends with my cellular phone. Betty, it’s so hard to relate to the whole human race. I don’t know where to begin, I don’t know where to begin. If we can both find a way to do the things that we say, we might not sit in our rooms and drink our daydreams away. Betty, I’m a dreamer, I’m not a vicious schemer. Oh, Betty, won’t you - ah, fuck it.
Let Me Know - The Audition
Don't make me tell you that you're the only one because you never said I was who you want. I fight to change you, you always stay the same. I wonder how much longer that we're gonna wait. If we're gonna make it, please, you gotta let me know.
Running Up That Hill - Placebo
And if I only could make a deal with God and get him to swap our places.
Where'd You Go - Fort Minor
Now, you only stop by every once and a while. Shit, I find myself just filling my time with anything to keep the thought of you from my mind. I'm doing fine and I'm planning to keep it that way. You can call me if you find that you have something to say. And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up that I'm stuck here waiting.
All of the Lights - Kanye West
Turn up the lights in here, baby. Extra bright, I want ya'll to see this.
We Are Never Getting Back Together - Taylor Swift
I'm gonna regret this if I ever look back on this post.
Some Nights - Fun.
When I see stars, that's all they are.